Blind Spots

We all have blind spots. Probably my biggest blind spot in my own life is hearing how I sound when talking to others. I can sound harsh, judgmental, and just plain mean. The problem is, I don’t hear it. Obviously if I am being those things I can hear it, but in everyday conversations? I don’t.

I only know I can come across this way because people have told me. So many people, over my entire life. People in my personal life and in my professional life. I don’t like this about myself. It’s something I must be constantly aware of, which can be tiring, and I can easily let my guard down and forget.

This week two people I love and care about reminded me again of this blind spot. A woman that I highly admire let me know how negatively I was coming across, and a 4-year-old boy who is the son of a good friend of mine told me he doesn’t like it when I speak to him harshly. Both conversations stopped me in my tracks. Both took me by surprise. Both grieved me because I would never want to speak to either of them in this way.

I have gone quite a long time now without anyone pointing out this blind spot. Which can do two things — first it makes me think I’m doing good with it, and second it kind of makes me forget it’s there. I need people who know me and love me to point it out to me. I need others to help me see it.

Even though it can feel jarring to me when people tell me this, I always believe them. I don’t ever want to succumb to the blindness. I want to grow, to learn, to be better, to see. This requires a level of humility. Pride always takes a hit when this is pointed out to me. When conversations are repeated back to me and it’s shared how it came across and made the other feel, it is very humbling because I was blind to it and typically how I thought I sounded is nothing like how it actually sounded.

I’m not trying to make excuses for myself. I’m just saying that we all have blind spots, and this is one of mine. That doesn’t exempt me from responsibility though. It would be easy for me to brush it off when people bring this to my attention as they’re too sensitive or they just didn’t hear me correctly, but personally, I never want that to be my response. This is an area I can grow in, an area I have grown in over the years.

I am thankful for friends and others who bring this to my attention over and over. It’s how I continue to grow and change. It helps me understand and relate to them and others better.

So, while I don’t like having blind spots, in a way I am thankful for them because without them, I wouldn’t need community as much as I do. And we all need community, I’m just lucky enough to not only have it, but to be reminded of how thankful I am for it regularly.