The Fight

The dictionary defines faith as “complete trust or confidence in someone or something”. The Bible defines faith as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”. Both of those definitions are saying the same thing just from slightly different angles — faith requires something, it requires belief.

I can’t know for sure, (and please excuse the assumption if incorrect) but I sometimes think that people can think Christians lives are easy. The reason I think this is because I have known so many Christians who think this, only to be shocked that life isn’t any easier.

I’m not sure why this is.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say this. In fact, Jesus says in John 16 “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world”. In Matthew 11 Jesus says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.” In many places the Bible talks about God giving strength to endure, God being a shelter to rest in, God fighting for us.

This does not sound like an easy time to me. It sounds hard, exhausting, scary. I am continually reminding myself of God’s promises. “I will give you rest.” “I have overcome the world.” “I will give you strength.” “I will give you shelter.” “I will fight for you.” It’s so easy to only see the parts about having trouble, about being weary and heavy burdened, being in a place of needing strength and courage, being in a place of needing shelter, needing to have someone fight for you.

It is of critical importance to me to remind myself of the entirety of what God has said.

I recently watched the movie Gladiator. I’ve seen it before, but not in over a decade at least. At one point I almost turned it off. I had forgotten how much he went through. As I watched him reach the depth of his despair, and then be sold into slavery to have to fight at the Colosseum to continue to live a life that was unbelievably difficult, I felt I couldn’t handle it. If I had turned it off at that point, I never would have seen how he overcame all the odds and won his freedom, how he defeated a cruel and evil ruler to free an entire country. How did this happen? He remembered who he was. He had friends who reminded him of who he was. He dug deep into himself and believed he could survive.

Why am I writing this? Because I am struggling over here. I am having a bad mental health day. I am having a bad health day in general. I’m walking through some difficult things in my body that are affecting me in ways I didn’t anticipate. I’ve not been sleeping well; my body and mind seem to be in a constant battle with each other. I’m having trouble finding work, and money is running out. Throw in some anxiety, depression, ptsd triggering, add on all the normal life stuff (and some abnormal life stuff) on top of that and well, I’m having a moment.

But none of this means I don’t have faith in God. None of this means I don’t have hope. None of this means I will lay down and die right here. It just means that I lean in closer, that I remember all of God’s promises, that I rest, I shelter, I again find my strength, remember who I am. I feel like I am drowning, but I remind myself that I am not drowning, I am working hard to keep my head above the water, I am surviving. And once I reach the shore or shallower waters I will thrive again. This is all normal, I remind myself. This is how life can be at times. Sometimes for an hour or a day, sometimes for weeks or months, sometimes even years. No matter the length of the fight, there is purpose in it.

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” -Romans 5:3–5

“I called on your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: ‘Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.’ You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear.’” -Lamentations 3:55–57

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I remember them well and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’” -Lamentations 3:19–24

“I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry. Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet. He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind. He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him — the dark rain clouds of the sky. Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them. The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” -Psalms 18:1–19